that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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