Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have so much sex to catch up on
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize