I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
