dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I see more hoeing in ur future
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