Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
