2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im just a social blackout drinker.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
