I cannot find my penis.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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