You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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