i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
