Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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