Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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