Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
