How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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