I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
