Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
