I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
