am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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