Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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