she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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