Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i dont even know how to be here
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Randomize
