You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
