I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Randomize
