he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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