so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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