Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
