Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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