wanna go halves on a baby?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
