He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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