David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
