i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
