I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
