I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I look better un-naked...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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