It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
