Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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