I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
