she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
