he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
