yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
