you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
