I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
