meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
