Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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