It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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