Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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