Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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