I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
