I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
