OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
