i think i have two assholes
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
