First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
