I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
