Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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