my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
