I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
