This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
