My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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