Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
