My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
