I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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