I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
