My Higher Power is John Stamos
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
