He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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