I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
