she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
