What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
