Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
