Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
