Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
