I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
