She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
