Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
