We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
