My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need moral support for this bender
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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